With everyone there are moments of emotional outburst. When it is not clear for what reason, you suddenly begin to react aggressively to some statements, actions or behavior of another person. Usually you have no idea what caused that storm of passion and resentment in you. There can be many reasons. One of the explanations is that you have blurry boundaries. You say “yes” when you really want to say “no”. You do things for others that make you uncomfortable. As a result, you feel exhausted, and your energy is running out. You get offended when people take advantage of you, but do not realize that it’s you who allows them to do so.
Prolonged depression can also be the cause of aggressive outbreaks. Sometimes violent outbursts are caused by anxiety. Anxious people feel overwhelmed very often because they are always on edge. And when a difficult situation arises, there is a great risk of breaking loose and throwing out your aggression (just like Hulk).
Anger is also associated with the desire to control everything. By focusing on what others are doing wrong, we get annoyed and flushed over little things. Lately, as a psychologist, I’ve been facing with the fact that people are not inclined to notice their feelings. Most of them do not know how to manage emotions. Society encourages us to avoid conflict, be nice, and say “yes” to “no”. We have a hard time managing anger because it is considered unwanted and forbidden. We are afraid to express anger so as not to hurt someone’s feelings. We are afraid of losing control of ourselves, at the risk of ruining the relationship.
BUT everything is much easier. At the moment when you’re feeling angry or almost furious, ask yourself: “What am I angry about now?” or “What does bother me so much?” Once you understand why, you can begin to manage your anger by reaching out to other people for specific needs with specific requests. You will learn to express emotions without feeling guilty. When we effectively deal with anger, we use its energy to solve problems, and then situations get resolved as if by themselves.